It’s okay to be alone; it took me 17 years to really realize that. Ever since middle school, I was obsessed with finding someone to rely on, whether it was a relationship, a friendship, or even an acquaintance. As time passes and I continue to grow, I’ve realized something: I can live a full life as my own best friend. 

Don’t misunderstand me—being with others is one of the greatest feelings. When you feel valued and cared for, it creates a sense of belonging. However, I believe that once people experience this feeling, they can become addicted to it and begin to rely on it as if it were essential to their lives. 

Being alone with just my mind used to sadden me, so I spent years relying on other people so I wouldn’t have to sit alone with myself in silence. This never gave me time to embrace my own qualities, but now I realize I was just afraid of a world where I had to depend on myself. 

I grew to be a really sensitive person, and it was years of dealing with overthinking, anxiety, and insecurity that made it impossible to hold on to friendships. After I lost some people and gained others, I realized that the reason I can’t hold on to anything is that I can’t hold on to myself. Finally, in my junior year, I decided it was time to stop focusing so much on making other people happy and to prioritize my own. 

Nowadays, we all find ourselves in bed scrolling through our phones, or maybe passing the time quickly through napping or studying for our classes, but it’s important to remember that you and your mind matter too. I began journaling, reading about self-image and self-improvement, and spending time completely alone so I could learn to embrace silence instead of avoiding it. 

We always let our minds overflow with insults towards ourselves, and I found myself doing that. I’d grow all kinds of poor self-image and would never be okay with thinking I was doing well enough. We spend much of our time creating our future through each homework assignment, college test, and daily nerves, thinking: will what I’m doing now truly get me far? Humans often focus on the past and future instead of the present moment. 

I’ve learned that you can’t truly love someone else until you’re comfortable loving yourself — not in a loud, confident way, but in the quiet moments when no one else is around. Real confidence doesn’t come from being wanted; it comes from knowing you are enough, even when no one is there to remind you.

Focusing so much on what will happen only drowns you in overthinking, anxiety, and, for me, damages my mental state. When you focus too much on other people and how they’re going to think about you, your mind begins to wander toward ways to make them like you rather than learning how to like yourself.

It isn’t about how wanted you are. It’s about how secure you feel standing on your own, because one of the most important relationships you will ever have is the one you build with yourself.