Fourth of July
Is a holiday to many
Each Fourth of July
Sparks new beginnings
My Fourth of July
You became my ending
While people celebrate a start
Your final breaths replay
The loud bangs
Of fireworks popping—
Something that excites,
But I flinch instead
The salty smell
Of barbecue on the grill—
It should bring hunger,
But I lost my appetite
The sky lights up
Red, white, and blue
But all I see
Is the absence of you
While everyone looks up
I look down
At the spaces you had filled
Your scent is still there
Your bowl is still there
Your fur is still there
Brown
Black
White—striped across everything
I haven’t moved it
As if you might reappear
I keep expecting,
Not accepting
I keep replaying—
All the good:
The soft sound of your meows
The way you found me
All the bad:
You in between my legs
Your eyes open, but not there
People say it’s just a day,
It comes every year
But this one doesn’t leave,
It replays
Fireworks burst
My Fourth of July replays again
But it’s not a beginning
Because as everyone
Shouts in awe
I can hear my heartbeat
Loud in my ears
And when I blink
I’m in my room—again
Where I found you:
When I woke up at 11 a.m.
Then again, at 1 p.m.
—And you there
Still in the same space
Petting you
Waiting for you to flinch awake
You were stiff
You still didn’t move
And I knew you were gone
