The truth is, living in today’s world is hard. We allow our happiness to be determined by a number on paper, on a scale, and even on social media. There’s this imaginary expectation that society creates for us that makes us feel as if we need to do more and more to simply ‘be happy.’
In our reality, gratitude is not given; it is something we must search for. But we are often told that we should be searching for an A+ on a test rather than genuine happiness. That we should compare our lives and performances to others: “Who did it better, who did it worse, and I must be better than them.”
Comparison will always be the thief of joy. Sometimes when you are so hyper focused on being better, you forget you are exactly where you wished to be a couple years ago.
While many forget that, they drown themselves in the constant need for validation by others, whether that is academically or emotionally.
There are many triggers that set off those needs for validation. Whether that comes from personal issues like trauma, neglect, or anxiety, or, in other cases, social media influences. We search for purpose and approval from others for the way we live our lives.
While gratitude is proven and shown to help balance our brains, it is important to also remember that there is a difference between validation and gratitude.
Again, validation focuses more on an external approach. Hoping to be accepted and seen by others to determine our “worth.” Gratitude however, is appreciating good things in our life from within. Being grateful for where we are now and acknowledging our accomplishments.
It is important to remember that we are searching for something we already have within ourselves. There are times when we must give ourselves gratitude for how far we’ve come, even in moments where we may feel stuck.
For years, I have struggled with a constant need for academic validation. Through the way I grew up, I allowed others to convince me that my purpose and value had to be determined by a number on a piece of paper.
Although this mindset is something I still continue to struggle with to this day, it is also something I have begun to recognize and hold myself accountable for.
Learning to break this habit has not been easy, but acknowledging it has been a step in the right direction. I have started to shift my perspective on my successes; rather than it being on a grade itself, I focus more on my progress and discipline.
Giving myself credit for how far I have come, rather than punishing myself for falling short. Shifting my perspective has allowed me to grow with more gratitude and understanding that improvement matters more than perfection overall.
I used to never understand people who stress or complain over a B+, until I became the one crying over an 85% instead of a 90%. Many don’t understand this struggle because they don’t feel the mental toll it can take.
What truly changed for me was a shift in perspective, realizing that our value is not measured by grades, productivity, or even external approval by others, but by our effort, growth, and passion.
When we allow ourselves room for mistakes, self-compassion, and progress, we not only grow healthier mindsets but also help others recognize their worth without living under constant pressure.
Ultimately, breaking free from the need for validation is not about lowering expectations but about raising awareness for our own worth. When we stop comparing ourselves to others and measuring numbers, we start to honor our growth, resilience, and gratitude.
That very moment of realization has the power to change so much, not only how we see ourselves but also how we will choose to continue living our lives every day.
