“Are you going to the Olympics?” is a question my ears will never hear again. Although I’ve always hated that question as it was unrealistic, I never thought I would yearn for someone to ask it again just one more time. My life’s constant cycle was interrupted after 12 years when I quit gymnastics. However, after retiring, I’ve found peace and passion for my next venture: becoming the ultimate CrossFit athlete.
At three years old, the moment my hands touched the chalky bar, it became obvious that gymnastics was my sport. By the time I turned six, I was transferred to the competition team and recruited to be part of the talent opportunity program (TOPS). I trained four hours every day for five days a week. Our head coach had a mean reputation, with constant screaming in children’s faces, a lack of understanding, and brutal conditioning that brought athletes to tears.
Despite his flaws, I still feel he was a great coach, as he helped me build some of the most crucial qualities to have in society. Through his tough coaching, I’ve learned self-discipline, enhancing my academics and athleticism. Carrying over to CrossFit, I was able to catch on to proper lifting form, learn ring muscle-ups, and dumbbell snatches almost immediately, building my determination to compete in CrossFit in the new year.
Eventually, he resigned from the gym and many of my teammates and I fled to Park Avenue Gymnastics, where I would spend the rest of my gymnastics career.
A few years after joining, the Covid-19 pandemic struck, and we were unable to train at the gym. Upon my return, I was ecstatic to be back, but the long break caused me to develop mental blocks for back-tumbling skills. This became a recurring event, but despite my welling anxiousness, I always managed to get back on my feet.
However, battling my inner-self caused me to develop bad habits in my gymnastics: fidgeting before a pass, and relying on teammates or coaches to stand near my landing spots. For the final duration of my career, I felt immense frustration in myself because no matter how hard I tried, my mind was constantly swarmed with anxiety.
After taking my longest time off since the pandemic, I for once struggled with the physicalities of gymnastics. I worked for months to apply corrections and improve my form, but my skills became dangerous, and my confidence depleted. This sudden event caused my mental blocks to form once again, but this time, I no longer wanted to fight the faults in my mental ability.
After a few months of minor anxiety attacks and many tears, I made the difficult decision of retiring after 12 years, as a level-eight athlete. In the moment, it felt as if my life was altered, and in a way, it was, however, I finally felt free.
Growing up with gymnastics has taught me so much and shaped my identity. Rather than dwelling on the past, I’ve learned to appreciate the sport, as it has granted me health, life lessons, and everlasting relationships with my teammates and coaches.
Even though I’m no longer doing giants or flipping tsuks, I quickly found something to fill the void. About a month after quitting, I joined my sister in CrossFit: a high-intensity strength and conditioning training.
The first class I ever attended involved legless rope climbs. Due to my gymnastics background, I was able to do the difficult skill and complete my first-ever RX WOD: a workout with no scale downs in the prescribed weights or movements. My CrossFit coaches were astonished and told me, “You have potential.” From that moment, I knew that this stage of my life would be exhilarating. I realized that gymnastics never defined who I am and I hold more self-worth than the sport could ever offer.
Now, I work at my previous gymnastics facility as a recreational coach. I’m fortunate to be in the place that watched me laugh, cry, fail, and succeed. With my years of gymnastics experience, I strive to be a role model and mentor for children who have the same dreams I did.
I often say that all the years of gymnastics, money, and time went down the drain, but my childhood sport has guided me to become the person I am today and so much more. For that, I am forever grateful.
